Hello, from … somewhere along 81 North! What a country we have. Love this place.
Got to Georgia on Saturday, Salem, Va. last night and we're aiming for Scranton this evening. Biden's people! You reckon they'll like my MAGA hat at the local Denny's? Hell, they probably will. Nobody likes that guy anymore. We'll see!
Anyway, I'm currently sitting in the back of my Palisade next to my toddler going back and forth between reading some book about a pissed off fish and scrolling through Instagram trying to find the next great influencer.
What a balancing act. God forbid I get those two mixed up. The First Lady would be PISSED.
But, I'm a pro's pro. Instagram models for five minutes. Something called Pout Pout Fish for five minutes. Rinse, wash and repeat. Let's roll.
On that note, welcome to a Monday Nightcaps – the one where we welcome Katya Kuropas back to class, this time from the Bahamas! It ain't Scranton, but it's close.
What else? Danica Patrick makes it to her second class in three days, this time from her pool. Happy birthday to her dog, Ella!
We've also got the Parton sisters checking in – in 2024! – a wild weekend for Bryson DeChambeau (called it, by the way), and we have a real-life Major League scenario playing out with the Edmonton Oilers and Shania Twain.
You'll see.
Whew. What a road trip menu! Don't you dare say I ain't trying today. Some folks would take the day off. Not me. No days off around here.
Grab a root beer for National Root Beer Day, throw some rum in it for goodness sake, and settle in for an Interstate 81 'Cap!
What a way to start a road trip!
Despite all the above sarcasm, it really hasn't been an awful few days. Seriously. When you only have to do six hours a day, the whole world brightens up.
And bonus: we even made it to Salem last night in time for me to watch the final three holes of the US Open on my phone while at some mom & pop restaurant for dinner. Oh, why didn't they have it on, you ask?
Well, they had a billion TVs, but they were all on … ESPN. Every single one.
Nothing and I eman nothing annoys me more than when you go to a restaurant with TVs, that clearly intends on showing sports, and they have the exact same BS on every single one. Baseball Tonight. That's it! 13 TVs, all Baseball Tonight – and not even the OG Baseball Tonight:
Remember when ESPN pumped out content like that? Now they just argue about white people liking white Caitlin Clark. Great.
Anyway, we've shockingly gone off on a tangent. Weird. Where was I? Oh yeah! Watching Bryson win/Rory choke on a tiny phone last night. It was awesome, not only because I love Bryson, but because I got this below bet in on the Hard Rock app literally minutes before crossing over into Georgia on Saturday afternoon:
Maybe the most clutch thing I've ever done. And I was driving! Don't tell the First Lady.
Anyway (part two!), all that to say, Bryson DeChambeau is officially the most popular golfer in the world and it ain't particularly close anymore:
Danica Patrick wishes her dog a happy birthday
I mean, come on. Can we PLEASE just do whatever the hell we have to do to settle this LIV-PGA nonsense and get Bryson back on our TVs every week? And I ain't talking about UPN or the CW or whatever the hell channel LIV is on. I'm talking about the big boy networks, every week.
We deserve Bryson DeChambeau. Absolute Man of the People.
And, by the way, can we knock it off with the fake outrage at Rory? I don't like him either – mainly because of the political nonsense – but come on. So he walked away in disgust after collapsing worse than Greg did in '96? So what? Hell, I miss putts like that every single week at my local POS public course and do the same thing.
Lord knows I'd rather watch a bitter, pissed off choker than one who's thrilled he just pissed away a major and … sticks around to chop it up with the guy who actually won. Come on. We're in the #content game around here, and this is better content than that:
I honestly didn't even intend to use a Paige Spiranac tweet to back up my argument. Honest to God. I just typed in "Rory" on Twitter to find that video and Paige popped up. But, seeing Pageviews on my side only strengthens my case. Thanks, Paige. Once again, we're in lockstep.
Enough golf. To the pool we go … with Danica Patrick!
Katya Kuropas in the Bahamas, Shania Twain in the Edmonton locker room & emptying the weekend tank
Happy birthday, Ella! Ya still got it at 63 and Danica still has the fastball at 42, but y'all already knew that.
OK, rapid-fire time because we're about to cross into Pennsylvania and I hear things get weird here, so my head needs to be very much on a swivel.
First up? The NFL WAGs have just about one month left to live it up before the fellas report for training camp, which means it's #VacationSZN:
Can't wait to see how all the other WAGs are spending what's left of their time off … For example, Aaron Rodgers!
I mean, I have no clue if that's actually true or not – I assumed he was at some RFK Jr. fundraiser – but regardless, I'm all in on this upcoming Jets season. As a Dolphins fan, I can't wait to see the fireworks. It's gonna be such a shitshow. I can't wait.
Next? While the Dolphins start in a few months, the Panthers end … hopefully, tonight! Saturday was such a predictable outcome, so I'm not overly concerned. This, however, has me slightly worried:
Hey, Shania. Cool it. I'll give you that one, but that's it. Cozy up with the Oilers on your own damn time. We've got a Cup to bring to South Florida tonight.
OK, let's empty my Twitter bookmarks list before we head into the week and all this stuff is out of date!
Dolly Parton and sister Rachel take us into the week
Yes. The answer is yes. Although, women in the 80s and 90s dominated. Ain't even close. Look at that picture … not a cell phone in sight.
Just dudes living in the moment, although the one cat in the black appears to have a disposable camera, which I respect.
The fellas at the Eckerds must have LOVED that roll of film!
OK, that's enough for today. Let's start the week strong with Dolly and Rachel.
See you Wednesday.
OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).
Ever been to Scranton? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.
